This is My Life Right Now

Yesterday afternoon I spent L's nap-time nursing E, watching part of Funny Face, chatting with my BFF about the clueless 20-year-old I was when she gave birth to her first daughter, and contemplating my life.

This is my life right now.

I am...

Savoring my almost clean house and trying to let go of the messy parts.

Wondering what I did with all my spare time when L was a little sleepy baby like E (and then I remembered I was working full time in an office. No wonder I don't remember having spare time. Not that I really would have had spare time if I'd been home then too. I know the grass is always greener).

Attempting to find the patience and wisdom to let go of my much too frequent bad attitude and not expect too much from my three year old. I have to keep reminding myself she's acting like a child because she is a child. And her behavior (unfortunately) reflects mine as of late. 

Craving chocolate. Yes, the I-want-to-eat-several-chocolate-bars-for-breakfast kind of craving chocolate. Seriously.

Enjoying the cuddly moments I get with both my girls because I'm home with them and not off at work somewhere else. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. When I have my bad moments I have to remind myself I'd rather be here than somewhere else.

Accepting my mothering, even when I feel like I suck at it.

Loving that the gray clouds are gone and it's warm enough to have the windows open in January. I need the sunshine and the breeze.

Feeling the residual stickiness of fresh squeezed orange juice on my fingers.

Reconciling my feelings about still looking several months pregnant. I know it takes time (nine months on, nine months off, right?) but I still don't like it. I want to accept and embrace my body and all that jazz but when I'm honest with myself, I'm not there. I'm sick of looking pregnant. 

Realizing I have very few pictures of myself with either of the girls. From the pictures we have you'd hardly know I was at the hospital when E was born.

Trying to improve the above mentioned picture issue by taking photos of myself with the girls all by myself after nap-time. Little did I know I would be able to capture the true essence of my life in a single photograph (see above photo). Such timing. It's incredible.

Yes, that cute baby is spitting up milk all over me. I'm still laughing. I think the universe is telling me I need to laugh more often.

This is my life right now. I love it. Even when I think I don't.